Resentment

Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt you could love someone till it hurts? You adore the person for everything that person is and is not. A complete acceptance of that individual, the thing that person lacked and had. Well, I have had that. The purpose of this blog is to share my feelings but to bring clarity to this aspect of love--admiration and why we do such.

It's not a secret I have loved my ex, it's apparent to the world. It is also apparent that he did not, do and will never be the man I deserve and need--he's not mine to be had. This is something that has brought me much anguish--wasted years, wasted emotions, regrets of not choosing another man and just plain resentment. This feeling of resentment and anguish has passed...for you who is experiencing such, it will pass as well. You have to realize where the feelings of anguish and resentment started from, and I will break it down for you.

When?
When you do not love yourself, am unsure of yourself or have low self-esteem, you oftentimes search for the qualities you lack in yourself in someone else. I find with most people, they find a piece of something they lack in themselves in their significant others. If they lack the motivational drive, they'll see a motivated person. When a person lacks spiritual strength or is conflicted by his or her own spiritual deviation, that person looks for such lacked quality in someone who is evidently spiritually fortified. People look to others to complete themselves. Oftentimes, they are disappointed. Another person cannot give you the quality they possess, only you can give that to yourself. Most people are only disappointed when they realize it. We have the power within ourselves to change us--not others or have others change us.

In a relationship, our problems follow us still. If a significant other is fighting with him or herself, there is nothing you can do about such--that person must fight his or her own battle. We oftentimes call that person self.
 

Getting Over--A Bad Relationship

"It is through truly bad and corrupt relationships can one truly learn how to appreciate the good ones."

--PrettyChiq

 



Things are as bad as we make them, a relationship is no different. As many would say, everything is dependent upon our outlook. The same bad morning where you missed the bus or train can be a blessing if the same bus or train got into an accident. In order to truly realize and appreciate  a relationship, one have to learn that bad is bad, but can be used as a tool for good. The bad things can teach use to appreciate the things that are good. My advice is to 'stop questioning things and learn to adapt.'

I was speaking to a friend of mine, and she was complaining about not being able to open up to her boyfriend--a great man. I sympathize with her, knowing how it feels to be hurt, have been hurt and not being able to let go of the pain. This difficult situation is one that she should have learned to shed, but cannot. So I learned this from the conversation:

"Living in the past can and will hamper our progress in life, preventing us form living life as it should be lived."

--PrettyChiq

 



Honestly, getting over a bad relationship is like growing out of your  awkward phase. It was awkward, and you probably had insecurities and shame. When things started to blossom and you grew into your looks--you realized how great those same awkward features were...are. Same goes for that bad, abusive or just shameful relationship. You should learn from them. Do not let them consume you and change your core. No person is worth it, no experience either.

When we are young, we thought as young people thought--with limited visions and insight. As a get older, through our experiences, we gain more insight. Some of us are not fortunate to have the positive experiences or opportunities to have witnessed healthy and loving relationships. Stuck in the past and with our limited perspective, we may become the same things that we most dread. Wanting and needing instant gratification, for whatever insecurities or feelings of inadequacy we may have been harboring, can be detrimental to us overall. Most importantly, it is often times difficult to admit and hard to see that a bad relationship is just that--a bad relationship!

 



1. Getting over a bad relationships means first recognizing the relationship is bad!

 

2. Once you've recognize it's bad, recognize why it was

 

3. List the things that made it bad

 

4. List why you were attracted to that person and that relationship

 

5. Once you are able to recognize these things, it is much easier to stop the trend.

 

A relationship between people have just that, two people. The blame for the relationship going and being bad is dependent on those two persons. Whether you did the wrong or it was done for you, you had a choice to not do it or to not put up with it. Realizing that you have options in life is important. Recognizing your worth and the necessity to be good and kind to others is much needed. Once you recognize your worth, you would carry yourself as such--a person with class, integrity and morales. The purpose of this blog to allow people to recognize getting over a bad relationship starts with:

• Changing one's perspective of relationships
• Recognizng it is bad
• Forgiving yourself for doing wrong or having/allowing wrong to be done to you
• Giving others a chance to be forgiven
• AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, moving on...whether it's with the same person (via forgiveness) or with someone else (finding a new relationship)

Life is too short and beautiful to be in an unsatisfying relationship. People have to recognize their worth and live according. You may say that you can never find someone like the person you are accustomed too, and it's true--you can always find worse or better. Just the possibility of being able to find better or allowing someone else to grow is worth trying. Living a life of regrets is not. So as you get over that relationship that had or have you questioning yourself, realizing you are worthy of being loved and being treated properly. Take the step if necessary to focus on you. Once you know what you stand for, then you automatically know what you will not take or put up with!

Never forget that God is love! It is a beautiful thing! Never give up on it or lose faith. Just recognize bad relationships and get out of them or improve them! Recognize your worth and how you should be treated! With this in mind, you are one step closer to being in a beautiful, fulfilling and loving relationship!

Remember to live life like it's worth living!

--PrettyChiq

What Do You Bring to the Picture?

Too many people are intent and content with blaming others for what they do not have. When you can get something yourself, get it. Do not expect others to give you things, when you yourself have nothing to offer. A relationship is the same way, what do you bring to the picture?

--PrettyChiq



Sometimes people want things they have no right wanting. Wanting and needing are two different things. You may want to something and need something completely different. With this in mind, do note the same applies to a relationship. People need to know the difference. If you have no space or place in your life for a relationship, chances are you do not need it. If you do, it will be!





As we all get older, we feel the pressure to be or have a relationship. A pressure to be like those around us, forgetting we are not those people. Why are you feeling so compelled to be like someone else? Are the pressures of society so great that one cannot be happy in oneself? Coming from a culture that's highly influenced by social media, I know the pressures of needing and wanting to be in a relationship. Everywhere I turn, someone is updating a relationship status or posting a picture of their marriage.It is this pressure that have caused me, and many other persons I know to find themselves in many problematic relationships.

For this reason, the influence of others, I have decided to focus this relationship post on: what you do bring to the table? What do you have to offer? Why would anyone want to spend so much time with you?

Too many people are caught up on what others think and want, that they do not know what they want by themselves. I have often heard many people say, 'I want a good man or a good woman.' When asked, what is a good man or woman, they do not know what that entails. Secondly, when asked, 'what do you bring to the table, or have to offer?' They do not know.

My biggest question is: Why complain what people what people do not have when you do not have the same things? How can one complain about not having a good man, and one is not a good woman?

I am going to say this: stop beating people down for things you want when you can get them yourself. Too many women I know are seeking this happiness or satisfaction from someone else. If you cannot find something yourself, no one else will be able to find it--you should be the first person to know yourself and what you want.

So here is the solution to your problem:

• Ask your friends to list 4 top qualities or things they admire about you
• Ask them to list the 4 top things that you need to get rid of
• List 4 things you like about yourself and 4 that you know you have to improve upon
• And answer this question: what do you bring to any relationship? Write for 5 minutes and limit yourself, don't change any answer and if you're stumbled do note that's an answer also.



We cannot expect the world from others and we bring nothing to the world. A relationship is not about completing someone or yourself, it's about complementing each other in a positive way. I once heard a friend of mine say, "Oh I don't cook, clean or do anything, he knows this." So I asked in a brazen but honest manner, 'so what do you do?' She smiled and stuck her tongue out. I immediately assumed and understood she was referring to sex, and I respect. But I will address it.

LADIES SEX IS NOT ALL A RELATIONSHIP IS ABOUT AND SURELY NOT ALL MEN WANT FROM A COMPANION--A SIDE CHICK YES, BUT NOT SOMEONE TO GROW WITH!

Too many women feels as though they deserve to be treated like a queen or be romanced. They do nothing but bring sex to the picture and occasional arguments, and gets upset when their significant other does not do what their significant others use to. My advice for such a woman is--get over it. If you want romance, take matters into your own hands and bring it to your relationship. Many women do not realize that sometimes it's alright to treat their boyfriends, husbands or 'friends' as they would want to be treated. Honestly, you'll get what you want and secure your relationship in the process. Sitting there wishing and wanting something when you can get it yourself is completely stupid and unheard of--get it! Stop feeling as though a man is obligated to treat you like something or someone you have not earned. If you are not his wife, does not need to treat you like her. If you are not his mother, then he does not have to clock in with you. If you are his significant other, make a significant impact on his life and treat him as such.



Don't be a hypocrite actions goes two ways, so be certain of who you are--then find out what you bring to other people's lives. After this, you can make your demands and work towards a healthy relationship. If you bring nothing, you'll get nothing.  After finding out your worth, it is easy to flourish in a healthy and successful relationship.


Recapping the Previous Post:
Writing down those things should have created a relationship profile for you. You should be a step closer to knowing what you want. Once you know what you want for and from yourself, then being in a relationship becomes effortless.

• Relationships that we have seen or are seeing do impact our very own relationships--if all you have seen is bad, then there are chances that you do not know or have the ingredients to develop a good one. That's fine, but realize this, seek help and knowingly try to make a change. Telling your significant other this and having a genuine conversation is healthy--it opens the decisions for comparison and understanding why and how you both do things...making it easier for you to express yourself
• You may want something completely different from what you have seen. That's okay, but do note--all relationships requires work. Be ready and prepared to work at what you want and need--nothing good comes easy!
• You have to know yourself before you can know someone else. Appreciate yourself before you can appreciate someone else.
• God is first, self is second and others come after that!

Stop trying to complete yourself through others, complete yourself by yourself and in yourself. There is nothing wrong with being alone. There is also nothing wrong with wanting or needing a relationship--that's fine. Do not however, beat or abuse innocent people for something you cannot solve yourself--your feelings of being incomplete or feeling unfulfilled. Finding and loving oneself first is the key to any successful relationship. When you open to yourself, you make it easier for others to open to you and cherish the person that you truly is!

Remember, life's too beautiful to not live in it's entirety, live it!

Photo of the Day

It is as simple as this!!!



--PrettyChiq

It Starts With You!

How can you expect someone to love and cherish you when you cannot, do not and will not love and cherish yourself? If you're worthless to yourself, chances are you will be treated as such. Never met royalty who treated themselves like peasants. Remember people respect and treat you only as you allow yourself to be treated. Get it together, relationships are built not found.

--PrettyChiq

 





Every relationship begins with oneself. The first thing to address is who are you?

 

Too often I hear people say they want the perfect relationship, yet they cannot tell me what their view of a perfect relationship is. They oftentimes do not even know themselves much less what they want from someone else. How can someone else know what you want or can give you what you need if you don't even know what that is? How can you expect someone to fulfill you, and accompany your dreams if you don't even know yourself or what you want?

 

This has always bothered me, so I decided to write my first relationship blog about it!

 

FIND YOURSELF BEFORE YOU ABUSE, ACCUSE AND REFUSE THE BEST THINGS AND POSSIBILITIES AROUND YOU!

 

 



I cannot lie, I too am guilty of wanting the perfect relationship and not knowing what I want. I knew it have to do something with being adored, cared for and respected--but beyond that nothing. I needed and desired the perfect relationship, yet had no decent foundation of my own to build one--and expected someone else to do it for me. What I did not expect was--he knew as much or as little about building, keeping or growing any sort of a relationship. In fact, I found the kind of man that ran from anything emotional, only because that's what he's seen and is expected to do.

 

So I had several problems:

• Loving someone and not knowing how to love myself
• Wanting something I did not know I want
• Not knowing how to keep a relationship
• And expecting him to know how to do it

It wasn't till I realized that nothing he could do was going to make me happy because I was naturally unhappy with myself, did I begin to realize what I want and did not want from any relationship. I was listening to a close friend speak to her significant other on the phone and she said, "I wish you would...and you use to..." I sat there stunned and listened as she emotionally violated and defeated a man who I thought was trying his best to make her happy. A man, like many others, who had self-esteem issues he confided into her. The problem with this friend of mine is, as my problem was also, that she could have had the best man in front of her and he worshiped the ground she walked on, but she have never known.

 

So I'm going to address it now:

 

STOP ASKING FOR THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT OR CANNOT HANDLE! You get the things you need, and should learn from them. Only when you have accomplished each different task or learned each lesson will be truly have the final test--the ultimate relationship, a healthy one (not a perfect one).

 



 

So many women I know complain about not having a relationship or not being married, but when a man comes into their life that's compatible but challenges them, they automatically make every excuse in the book to not be with him. Really? Last I checked the person for everyone according to the Bible is a 'help-meet.' This is a person that will help that person meet his or her own true potential. This does not mean 'happily ever after,' or an easy journey. It means if the relationship is one with true potential and can lead to marriage, you will find yourself growing. That person will not only challenge you to be and do better--but against your will. I know too many people that feel intimidated by their significant other, and ran. They felt they were not successful or driven enough. On the other hand, I know many people who rose to the occasion. People who found inspiration and not just great sex, motivation and not just praise, and found a sense of fulfillment that cannot be compared to any other romantic relationship to date.

 

The person for you may not be your conventional beauty--most men confess the women they married are not the women they thought they would. Many women, no matter how beautiful, confessed the satisfaction they've felt with their 'beloved' is not one of a physical nature, but one so emotional and spiritual it seems almost inhumane.

 

Remember that:



So I'm going to say this:

 

STOP LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO COMPLETE YOU...LOOK FOR A PERSON TO COMPLEMENT YOU.

 

Too many people are walking around looking for someone to complete them. That's just plain old stupid and pointless. Find yourself or start searching. Focus on learning how to please yourself--physically, emotionally and spiritually. I've heard women complain that they have the perfect man, but he's awful in bed. Really? If you know what makes you happy, then teach the man--supplement toys, masturbate--it may just be your perspective or the technique that's wrong. I also know women who are in the presence of many great men and cannot for the life of them shake away the pain an ex caused. If you are so invested in your past that you would allow an ex to steal from you an experience worth a lifetime, then maybe you don't deserve the man you're with.

 

Once you have completed yourself, or are in the process of bettering yourself--only then can you really appreciate and recognize the gifts others have and grow. When you find someone it is as simple as this: that person brings or plays a meaningful role in your life. Now the reasons why and how you'll find or be with that person will vary, but it will be something you are missing or need to learn.



 

I was once told: IF YOU CANNOT GROW OR FIND YOURSELF LEARNING IN ANY RELATIONSHIP--RUN!!!

 

If you are honestly sprung on an ex, find a way to get over it. If the things your significant other have done hurts or affects you, break up with them. Then start over. What's wrong with closing one chapter, burning the book and starting over. Many great novels have many different versions, being it's your story, you write it!

 

But the major focus of this first blog is incredibly simple--find out what you really want for yourself. Don't even equate your future or significant other in it. Seriously write it down. Look at it and seriously determine if the person have those qualities or possesses the ability to get them. You'll resent someone and yourself if you do not take the opportunity offered now to move on or make things work. And honestly, most relationship issues start, begins and resides in the actual person who have the. I say this because many times I've fought with my significant other, I was in a delusional fight by myself about something or someone he did not view important or worth fighting about or for.

 

Prioritizing yourself allows you to recognize what you want, do not want, and will not take or want. FOCUS ON YOURSELF. YOUR RELATIONSHIP BEGINS WITH YOU, WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER AND CANNOT OFFER!



 

Assignment (Just for thought)

Till the next post:

• Write down what you want
• Write down the 3 most significant relationships that have affected you
• 3 relationships you admire
• 3 relationships you never want to mimic
• 3 qualities you must have in a relationship
• 3 qualities you will not put up with

DO NOT REPEAT ANYTHING! Then we'll decipher those things in post #2!

 

 

Image of the Day

 

 

Remember, you are worth loving, but till you love and find the worth in yourself, others cannot truly know, cherish and treat you as you deserve. Life's worth living, live it!

--PrettyChiq